The Little Things

     I woke up to find myself busy with the little boxes of memories in the corner of my mind. The little things that I kept is catching up on me. I love to look back and remember how I started falling for the man and remind me self why I'm still falling for him. Its so nice to feel the same way over and over everyday.


     What did he do, I've no idea...the little things that he do are countless now filling up my heart. Some are love, some are breathless words, a doze of thoughtful breeze, a street full of lights, fireworks and gentle caresses. It fills me up and I take time to taste it again, like a scent of flowers in a blowing wind, like a kiss of light playing behind the clouds...

     The little things...

Swirls and Smoke

Orange - Blue Sky

     Several suns had gone down since I saw you last, I missed your smile...I don't now what I'm feeling now. I keep telling myself to stop looking back on those days when all we do is stare at each other's eyes for hours and hours and hours. When nothing else matters but you and me.

      I get lost and sometimes forgot what day is it or what time, 'cause all I do is linger in thoughts of your hand holding mine, your smile before I sleep, your voice saying "you're too dear to me now". Breathless, happy, sated and echoes of laughter fading away... Waiting for the sun to play by the horizon and hoping that it won't disappear too fast, our memories are like that. Waiting for it to happen and hoping that it won't end when it does, like the orange blue sky at twilight.

     I want to fly to where you are... 

SmiLe

You are not mine

Afraid that you will never be

But after thinking about it for sometime

It finally dawned on me,

I can never tell you to go

But I can't make you stay

Want to protect your body and guard your soul

But there's just no other way,

So I smile...letting go of your hand

I smile seeing you across that road

Someday I would understand

Turn around, tell my heart its gonna be okay,

On the bus, passing by the trees and the sky

Tears, started to fall down my eyes

Right now, it feels so good to cry

And I did, so hard I cried...so later I'll smile,

Walking down the streets of my good ol' home

This is where I belong, safe and sound

But my heart has a different home now

Not here in my territorial ground,

So I smile as I felt that empty space

My heart I know has gone somewhere else

Just smile, have to go on no matter what it takes

I just met love, and this is how it feels,

Whatever happens now I did what is right

And it makes me smile to know I made you glad

I smile because to me you've been a light

Whatever you are, you're the best I ever had.

The bRaT meeTs the huNk

When I'm with you, I don't have to be conscious 'cause I trust you. I can let my walls down and be sure that you're not going to hurt me. It takes time to realize because I've been quite a brat all my life. So I realized what I must now... You showed me that the mouth speaks when the heart is full...and that a lot of things are still waiting to turn into a wonderful moment.


You're such a treat to be with, to laugh with, to hang around with... We can walk for hours and ignore the storm, talk about anything that tickles our fancy, say what exactly is in our minds and laugh about it. A perfect day for me is when the sun is there (or even not!) as long as you smile... I smile...


Right now, I feel so laid back...feels like I will soon grow tired of waiting for something. Maybe of waiting to see you again? See you smiling once again? Hear you calling my name? Or maybe I wanted to wait for the day where everything will start to be special and each day after that will never be the same.


Its just a wishful thinking because of that one day with the hunk. ( Can't stop laughing now.)
Missing him...more than ever.

Stay With Me

Have I ever told you, that you are my life?


I'll tell you now... 
Let me start by saying thank you for finding me. I know it was you who came finally, after such a long wait. Sorry for not making my life perfect, sorry for messing up...but thank you that you came. Thank you for loving me in the moonlight and loving me in the day. And you should know that I'm loving you too almost the same way. I love you in your best mood and I love you in your worst.


From that very first day I know I like you, I like the way you smile at me as if I'm the only one you see. I love the way you make me feel when you caught me looking at you. I turn around as if I'm looking for somebody else, but you got me there I know you did. I tried not to look but I felt you there, and I know then that my entire life just changed.


I love you - with no reason at all. But I need you to stay with me for the very reason that I love you. I tried to reason out with my heart, because you said not to trust it. The heart did not reason out, but something else did. It goes like this, "if you are able to teach your heart who to love, then why didn't you? Why didn't you unloved him at very first time?" I told my mind not to listen to my heart and everything else was okay. I gave my heart to Him, for Jesus is the One who loved me first and I know I'm safe with Him. And this is my prayer when I gave it, that it will only love the one who is meant to have it and that He will be the one to teach me who to love.


So stay with me, I will love you when you don't have anything else. I'll be with you even when you hair changes to gray, I'll take care of you when no one wants to get near your bed and I will walk with you no matter how slow your steps maybe. Someday when you can't hardly see my face, I will sing to you till you can draw me in your mind. I'll hold your hand like the way I always held them and our fingers will remember how it curls and fits with the other. 
Stay with me, lets try to be the best that we can be and lets take our time.
Stay with me...give me a chance to love you. You are in my life now and I want to live it.

I'll Be Waiting, Fearlessly

I rushed into love, I know its wrong...and I did all the stupid things I can think of. I don't know what happened but I know it should stop. Sometimes falling so deep means hurting deep too. I don't know what to do...I'm terrified. You are the only one, and this is my only life. I only say these things because I mean it...and because its true.

I will wait for you...in the dust of this world. I will wait for you, counting every sunshine and every rainy day. Hoping might lead to frustration, but I am hoping for the best of what is to come and not just to hope for your love. This is the last time I ever fall in love, its now or never, all or nothing. I believe in love and I will side with love till the end. Love knows no fear or doubt or losing. In the end, what matters most is that you love and you stood up for it.


I didn't know you will come, I didn't know you will find me...but here I am waiting. I'll be okay, I wouldn't cry anymore 'cause I've already cried. I tried to give up this feeling, tried to let it go, but it simply can't be tore out of my system.
How I miss your smiling eyes, the way you hold my hand, the look of your smile, I miss the way we breathe... I can't forget all these no matter what I do.


I got to learn so much. Between love and life there is so much I can't understand. But for sure, there's this one thing I will always keep. In my heart there will always be a place for you...and no matter what happened it will always be for you. I will be waiting, fearlessly...to love you.

What Does J Stands For?

A name...What is in a name? Can you judge anyone by their names?

I do know the answer, I have met a lot of people, heard a lot of funny names but there's one letter that I so love...The second letter of my real name, the letter J!

It is someone's heart alright. Someone who needs a new heart...someone who doesn't know me. He doesn't know the one who dreams about him at night, who longs to kiss his lips and hold him tight. So much for feeling this way, and he calls me his friend. Yeah, he thinks he knows me so well. I want him to be happy, yes I do. But I'm also wondering...


What will happen if he knew how I feel? What will happen if he doesn't? Do I just look at him as he turns around and walk away? Do I throw away these chains and run after him? I want him to be happy, but will he be happy if he knew my heart is crying out deep inside me? What if he is the one and all the time I never knew? Isn't it worth trying? If I wait for tomorrow, will it be too late?


So, what does J stands for? J stands for that most confusing feeling, ambivalence of being happy and being sad, wanting to love but scared to be hurt, its just a painful feeling that you can't live without! Its like saying goodbye and running back into his arms, turning away and turning around, all mixed up...all confused...all painful but wonderful. How can all that be possible?


This heart, that I swore to hold, to protect and cherish...but never to love and keep. If there is anything more painful than this...I'll take it.

song for this post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAjcT1CAxR4&feature=BFa&list=PLF50780793FF5525A&index=1

Just The Two of Us

     Sometimes you'll hold his hand, and you just know that he is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life...


    There are things in life that doesn't need cash or special occasions to happen, things that aren't really planned but it pops out of nowhere, things that are perfect with just the two of us there.


    Who says we got to have a car when walking is the perfect thing to do. Who says we need the sun, when the light of your smile is enough to make my world spin. With your hand in mine, even if the rain is beating down on me I wouldn't mind.


    You asked what did I do, and you can't take your eyes off me...well, what did you do that it seemed like you are my life now? One look at you and I can forget the rest of the world, one kiss and I can drown in your eyes, one touch of your hand and I can face anything they throw my way.


    Standing beside you, looking in your eyes, smiling with you and taking your hand in mine is a perfect picture in my heart. I want to spend the rest of my life like this, with you...just the two of us.
    
If I could choose my sky
That would be your eyes
If I can hold my dream
It would be your hand,


If this is the last time
Then tomorrow I would die
If you aren't my love
Then for sure you are my life.


Thank you, for being there for me. You are wonderful...its romantic in a funny sort of way. Just the two of us, the rain and the concrete path :)

BLuE

     The heaven, the sky and the water is often blue. Serene, cool, deep and peaceful... But right now I'm floating in blue because of the emptiness, the hurt and the lack of warmth in my heart. I choose to, didn't I? When I knew loving you will hurt, falling for you is wrong and worse wearing my heart on my sleeves.
     Still here I am, waiting for that time when you can finally look at me without being guilty. Hoping for the chance to hold your hand without dreading that someone else might come and take it. I don't know why I fell or why am I waiting?
     It hurts every time he tells me not to love him, that he isn't worthy of being loved, that he is the least of all people to love...he doesn't know it hurts me because I love him. I never wanted to. How can he make me cry? Make me blue? This is love isn't it? You will never know it is true unless it hurts you. Love is a thousand mystery placed in a box, so that when you open one it confuses you. One mystery after the other, until you spent your last strength emptying the box. When its empty, that is the only time you realized that you got the wrong box.
     Its not the same with you though, the first time I got the box, I knew it was mine before even opening it. Even if it makes me blue, I know its real. That's what matters for me. That I love you.

Silken Gold

There are three phases of time: past, present and future. Past teaches by reflection and memory; present teaches through senses: what we see, hear, smell, feel and spoken; future though cannot be perceived, teaches hope, trust and faith. This is of course a thought, for there are no facts written in here. These are purely opinions, feelings and point of views.

Time is a silken gold, fibers of the past, present and future intertwined to perfection by the Hands. Those who live in the past are forgotten, fading away as time goes by. But the deeds of the past affects the present entirely. Those who are living in the present owes the past and are responsible for the future. For the future comes in when the present starts to pass. So, here we are standing in the present: do we look back to the past and wish to go back? Or do we try to see the future and worry what will happen next?

The most important part of time is today, where we can see, feel, smell, taste and hear everything. Today, we are alive, we can make a change, we can seize the day for all the world to see. The past is but a shadow, always there but dark and cold and the future simply unknown. If we only live for a day, our past would be the night before. Today is when the sun lights up high above our heads. Future is like the twilight, mysterious and enchanting.

I would never waste my today crying over the past or wondering about the future. Today is when I am alive, to see the light, to hear the rhythm and melody, to say what I feel, to feel what is real and to live life in full. It is today that I can do something about the past and lead the future. Today I can love without pain from the past or fear from the future.

 Pictures capture a few seconds of what we have today, so that tomorrow we may see a part of yesterday. That is, never forget what came to pass...do not neglect what is...and embrace the future with an open heart.

Time is a silken gold of memories, of what is existing and what will come. His will be done!

Iloilo - Falling In Love

     Iloilo City is such a nice place, with nice people and great food! Spent my college days here, at West Visayas State University right in the heart of the city. Ilonggos are very nice, friendly and lovable. I'm  not really new here, my dad is an Ilonggo and we live just about two hours away from the main City.
     This is where I discovered a lot about myself, conquered teenage rebellion, learned about dealing with other people and a lot more...This is the second City that I fell in love with, and this is where I learned what love is. A long time ago I thought it was love, but the second time that I ventured there I just discovered more of what love really is.


     It started out as a nuisance, like when you meet someone and you don't like him to be around. Him being there in the same room with you, always in the periphery of your vision. Until he is gone...you realized you missed him standing by the door, starring at you once in a while and his smile stays on your mind for days!
     Its good that communication is fully equipped with technology that I was able to find him again! This time saying hi, exchanging funny senseless conversation and just enjoying being friends. Between words and smiles, there are things that were never said. Each laugh, and each second of our time passing like days and months that after sometime we felt like we knew each other forever even if it has been just two months.
     This is not the first time to feel all these different emotions, feel this high and alive but this is truly the first time I ever felt real. I thought being in love is a dream, a fairytale, something that we need to work hard for...but love is really a gift. Love is free, love is given, love is real and its not a fairytale. There a so many words that can be spoken of love but only few knows what is real. I cannot say that my love story will have a happy ending, its not true that all love story ends happily. But the joy of knowing that you have loved, and that person knew he is safe with you, the trust and friendship that is shared is more than any of that happy ending.
     Love never ends you know, so much for a happy ending! Love just continues in thoughtfulness, hope, friendship, genuine care, being there, making someone smile, praying for each other...and that ladies and gents is love-the greatest thing in heaven and on earth :)




                                                                                                                                        I love you.